Before the twins were born, I told everyone they wouldn't watch any TV until they were two. I said this confidently, to other parents, who were kind enough not to laugh.
Then I had two babies at once, a husband who works long days in summer, and a pretty small duplex. The first time I put on a show so I could take a shower, I felt like I'd failed a test. Now the twins are 28 months old, and we've landed on a handful of rules that we actually keep. Not perfectly. But most days.
This isn't advice about what the "right" amount of screen time is. Our pediatrician gave us some general guidance at the two-year checkup, and if you're unsure, that's who to ask. This is just what works in our house.
Rule 1: The TV is for together, not for alone
We don't have tablets for the kids, and we've decided not to get them for now. Screen time happens on the living room TV, where everybody can see it. That makes it easier to keep an eye on what they're watching and how long it's been on.
It also means screen time is a little bit social. The twins sit together on their small couch and narrate to each other. Theo points at every dog. June copies the songs. Sometimes I sit with them and ask questions about what's happening. Sometimes I'm in the kitchen washing bottles and just listening.
Rule 2: Slow shows only
This rule came from Dan, weirdly. He noticed that after certain fast, loud, bright cartoons, the twins were wild and cranky, while slower shows with gentle music left them calm. So we stick to slower-paced programs made for toddlers, and we've quietly removed the chaotic ones from our saved list.
Our current favorites are a gentle show about a family of animals and a nature program where they watch baby animals grow up. It's the kind of show I can hear from the next room without wanting to throw the remote into the bay.
Rule 3: Screens have a job
For us, TV isn't background noise. It has specific times when it's allowed:
- The 5 p.m. witching hour, while I'm finishing dinner. About 30 minutes.
- Sick days, when everyone just needs to lie on the couch. All bets are off, and I don't feel guilty about it.
- Long drives to Sacramento to see Dan's parents. We allow one downloaded episode on my phone for the last half hour of the drive, when the twins have had enough of the car seat.
Outside of those, the TV stays off. It's never on in the morning, at mealtimes, or before naps.
Rule 4: A timer, not a fight
Turning off the TV used to be the hardest part of the day. Now we use a simple kitchen timer, the old-fashioned kind that dings. The twins can see it and hear it tick. When it rings, the show goes off. The timer is the bad guy, not me.
We also give a warning: "Two more minutes, then the show says goodbye." Sometimes there are still tears. But fewer than when I would just switch it off in the middle of a scene.
Rule 5: Grown-ups follow rules too
This one's hard for me. I noticed that the twins wanted screens more when they saw me on my phone all the time. So I try to keep my phone in the kitchen during dinner and bath time. Dan and I both have a "phone basket" on the counter in the evenings. I'm bad at it. But I'm better than I was.
What we let go of
I let go of the idea that any screen time is a failure. Some days we hit our 30 minutes. Some days a twin has a fever and they watch nature shows for two hours and I lie on the floor next to them. Both kinds of days are okay.
I also let go of comparing. My friend's kids don't watch any TV at all. Another friend's toddler has a tablet at every restaurant. We're somewhere in the middle, and that's fine.
How it's going
Most days the twins get about 30 minutes, and on weekends often none because we're outside. They play independently more than they used to, especially with blocks and their play kitchen, and bedtime is easier on days the TV stayed off after dinner.
Our rules will change as they get older, I'm sure. For now, they're simple enough that tired parents can keep them. That's the only kind of rule that works in our house.
